Its been hard finding a desire to blog lately. I don't know why. Maybe I am finding I don't need the outlet as much as I used to or maybe I just don't make the time for it like I should. I thought a lot about doing a post for the second year anniversary which was February 22nd, but as you can see that did not happen. I still ask myself at times, "is this really my life?" "Did this really happen?" "Is Jonas really gone?" Maybe I will always ask those questions because honestly, it still doesn't feel real. I am still trying to find my new normal and still trying to accept my new life.
I have however, found something that is bringing me much joy. (Yes, I used the word joy.) I am exercising regularly again and I am loving it. Back in the days before kids I would exercise regularly and I really enjoyed it. But then, kids came, husband got sick, exercise got put away, and the thought of it did not sound fun at all. Even when I was training for my half marathon last spring I was not finding as much joy in exercise as I do now. Probably because I was doing it alone. I look forward to my class every morning and have met some really fun people there. Both Jack and I get excited to go see our friends everyday. He has made some friends in the daycare and loves going to see them.
I have also moved forward with pursuing my education. I got accepted to Weber State University and will start classes this summer. I am so excited to be in school again! I was originally going to start in the fall but am anxious to get going. I am actually looking forward to homework. I'll let you know how long that lasts once it starts. :)
We have adopted a new motto in our home. "I can do hard things." I make my kids say it whenever they want to give up on something. I make myself say it on a daily basis. Because life is hard. But you can't give up. "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand" -Randy Pausch
I have been blessed to have amazing, inspiring people in my life. I couldn't get through this trial without them. I am so grateful for a Father in Heaven that helps me every step of the way. I am reading a great book right now called 'The Continuous Atonement' by Brad Wilcox. There are so many great thoughts in there. One of my favorites so far is, "When we are tempted to give up, we must remember God is long suffering, change is a process, and repentance is a pattern in our lives."
I am trying to be happy. I am trying to move forward. Some days I can do it, some days I have to be carried by others. I am so thankful to everyone that helps carry me.
