It had been a rough day. The night just got worse. I just needed and wanted someone to talk to. Not just anyone, I wanted my husband. I wanted him to ask me how my day was, I wanted to talk about our boys, I needed his opinion on my classes at school. I wanted to talk about Jack's first day at preschool and Sam and Ben's first day in 5th and 3rd grades, I wanted to show him I finally organized the junk drawer and tell him that when I vacuumed under the fridge earlier that day, I had found all our missing crayons and markers and that it was really disgusting. Things that no one else in the world cares about except your spouse. Some days are terribly lonely and I was aching to have someone to talk with, so instead I started crying and talking to myself. Now, I know people will say, "but he is with you, he can hear you, talk to him..." yadda yadda yadda.... yes, I know that, but I want him to talk back to me. I want to physically hear his voice. I was pleading to my Heavenly Father about this very thing on this night. I went to bed late, which made me more mad because I was planning to get up early to exercise.
My alarm went off at 5:00am. Nope. Turned that thing immediately off and went back to sleep. I woke up at 6:00am. Nope. Still too tired to exercise. Sam came into my room at 7:30 and I had just woke up for the third time. After laying there for a few minutes, I started to remember I had had the most wonderful dream. As I started to remember it, the details became more clear instead of getting fuzzy like they usually do when I try to remember my dreams...
Jonas was there. We were in the kitchen and he was getting ready to go to work. As he walked past me, I said "don't go, let's do something" and we started dancing. Just for a brief moment....I was laughing and smiling... then we were standing somewhere else... we were hugging and I had my head on his chest. I could really "feel" his body. I remember thinking, "I'm so glad you didn't die because I remember how much I missed touching you and I thought I would never get to touch you again." In my dream I was savoring every touch. I can still see my hand on his chest and really being able to "feel" his body. It was the craziest feeling when I woke up and remembered. Jonas had been there. I really felt his body and I can still remember how it felt. Of course, I cry every time I think about how it felt to touch him again and it has made me sad the past two days, but I am so thankful I had that dream. It was beautiful. It was wonderful. He still loves me and he watches over me everyday. I am blessed to have an angel constantly at my side. I'm pretty sure Jack knows his daddy is always with us because he tells me all the time that his daddy is here, but I needed the reminder, and I am so thankful it was in the form of a beautiful, wonderful dream.
