Happy 7th Birthday Ben!

A little bit about Ben...

He still loves legos!

He is an AWESOME hip hop dancer!

He enjoys shooting guns

and joining Jack in climbing on things...

He likes lots of different colors, his favorite food is steak, and his favorite sports to play are soccer and baseball. He said he also likes tennis and football, but he hasn't played either of them. He is really smart in math and figuring out how to build things. The other day he said, "mom, I know what 45 + 45 is...it's easy... 40+40=80, 5+5=10, and 80+10=90...easy huh! His brain thinks like his daddy's! He figures out math problems like that all the time. He is also a great reader and loves playing with his friends. He loves to tease his brothers, but there are times when his caring nature shines through.  When Jack is hurt or upset about something I have seen Ben make sure he takes care of him and makes sure Jack is having fun. He is a sweetheart.

We had a fun bowling birthday party with his friends on Saturday

And another fun party with family on Sunday!

Chloe is taking one for the team. She is such a good sport!

(notice how Ben is pushing Jack away so he won't blow out his candles)

Happy Birthday buddy! We sure love you!

Warning! It's A Pity Party!

Ever since Joe's angel day I have really struggled to be happy and wanting to do much of anything. I wish it weren't so easy to slip into this "I don't care about anything" mode. I get tired of being there and I don't want to be there, but it is really really hard to snap out of it! 


The last several weeks I have found myself feeling more anger. Anger about the weekend showing up every 7 days...I no longer look forward to weekends. I dread them. I can handle the week pretty good with the rush of school and lessons, but the weekends are tough. I miss date night, I miss cuddling on the couch watching a movie, I miss Sunday dinners, I miss watching him play with our boys. Oh the list goes on and on!


I have been having more anger about my boys not having their dad around to teach them things. I see dads playing catch with their kids, teaching them to ride bikes, playing basketball, and just hanging out with their kids. Every time I see it my heart aches for my boys. Can I just scream to the world...this is so unfair! My boys need their dad! I feel like they won't be able to excel in so many activities because Joe isn't here to teach them and practice with them. Ben signed up for baseball and he is going to be so behind in his skill compared to the other kids that have their dad's to practice with. I tried pitching some balls to Sam the other day. I have always been terrible at sports and I did not become magically good when Jonas died. I am horrible! Batting practice didn't go very well or very long with mom not being able to throw a good pitch. Soccer season is starting soon and I wish Jonas were here to run drills with them. I wish he were here to take them camping, fishing, and mountain climbing this summer. Seriously. I could go on for hours about how unfair it is that my boys don't have their dad.


I have been angry that I have to do another year of birthday parties without Joe. It will be Ben's 7th birthday on Wednesday and I have decided that birthdays are probably harder for me than most holidays.  I get really depressed about not having Joe here to celebrate birthdays with us. He is missing out on so many things! 


I warned you. This is a pity party! 


But, I really have been trying to figure out what to do with all my anger. Obviously, it has built up and is now swelling in me. So what will I do with it all? Well, folks. I am going to run. I haven't been what you call a "runner" for almost 9 years now. I have tried running here and there over the years on my quest to loose weight, but never ran more than 2 miles. I just got so bored. So with some motivation from my dear friend Mandy I took the plunge and signed up for my first ever half marathon! I am taking my anger issues pretty seriously and am trying to put them to positive use. Maybe I have gone completely crazy because who signs up for a half marathon if you aren't even a seasoned runner? Well, crazy or not I am registered to run the Top of Utah half marathon on August 25th.  Wish me luck. This body of mine is going to need it! Hopefully, with me telling the blogging world about my quest, it will keep me motivated. I am going to need lots of it. Seriously? A half marathon?!