Yellowstone 2011

I am having a real hard time making myself write about our experience at the Mayo Clinic & Hospital. I don't think I have ever dealt with the emotions I had during that time and it's really hard to go back and face them. I am trying though. I hope to get that post done soon.

We went camping in Yellowstone with my family at the end of July. The kids had a blast and I had my moments of enjoyment. It was really hard being there without Joe. The week before we left was exhausting! Preparing a packing list, locating camping gear, grocery shopping, packing, stressing about what I would forget, more grocery shopping, finding items to entertain the kids in the car.......it was all so overwhelming and I was exhausted the night before we left. The tiredness never really left me during the vacation and I started to get sick. By the drive home I had laryngitis, a bad cough, and a cold.

Our hike to the upper falls. How was it? Ben HATES walking. Can you envision how pleasant the hike was?!

Swimming in the lakes and rivers were always a highlight. 

Kyle, Kaleb, & Ben were checking out the elk across the river

I sit and wonder if I will always feel this worn out and drained after our family vacations. I want my kids to have fun memories in their childhood and I don't want them to miss out on things because they don't have a dad to take them camping, fishing, rock climbing, hiking.....all the things Joe loved. But I wonder if I can really do it? It's hard. It's exhausting. It's just not that fun. Which makes me very sad because I enjoy being in the outdoors and I think all those things I mentioned "used" to be fun. I want them to feel fun again....but it is SO hard doing it alone! (Yes, my family was so awesome to help me out the entire time but......you know......I just needed Joe there). Thinking about going on another camping trip sounds miserable and that REALLY REALLY makes me mad that I feel that way! 

Jack loves the bugs to crawl on him

Ben learned how to skip rocks. It made him so excited!

Sam was thoroughly entertained by burying and smashing ants at the lake

I don't want to sound like I was miserable the entire trip because there were plenty of times when I was having fun and enjoying the outdoors. It just wasn't the same. Nor will it ever be the same and that totally sucks. BUT......my kids had lots of fun and for that I am truly grateful. I sure love my boys. I COULD NOT get through this without them. They bring laughter and smiles to our home. They make their mom get out of bed every day and because of that they are my guardian angels.....along with a push and shove from Joe here and there.

Ben's always happy when he gets to help with the fire....

Smores were a HUGE favorite of everyones! I definitely had my fair share of smores. Seriously. I just love me some smores!

Jack is happiest when he is creating. Creating HUGE messes.

 Ben discovered this elk above our camp ground. He came running back to camp saying he had found a moose! The kids were all so excited (along with the adults) we all walked up to check out our moose. She was a cute little "moose" or ummm elk. Sam cracked me up when I told him to turn around so I could take his picture. He isn't smiling because he is so afraid to turn his back on this ferocious beast!

My boys love to fish. Well.....they love to fish when they catch a fish.....(that did not happen on this little evening trip). They were disappointed we didn't get to cook some fish on this trip. Sam and Ben could eat fish for dinner every night if I let them. They love it!

My boys are so lucky to have Dan, Kyle, Phillip, & my dad to help them with all those things that their mom is just not that good at. Thanks grandpa and uncles!! You guys are the best. We sure love you.