Happy 7th Birthday Ben!

A little bit about Ben...

He still loves legos!

He is an AWESOME hip hop dancer!

He enjoys shooting guns

and joining Jack in climbing on things...

He likes lots of different colors, his favorite food is steak, and his favorite sports to play are soccer and baseball. He said he also likes tennis and football, but he hasn't played either of them. He is really smart in math and figuring out how to build things. The other day he said, "mom, I know what 45 + 45 is...it's easy... 40+40=80, 5+5=10, and 80+10=90...easy huh! His brain thinks like his daddy's! He figures out math problems like that all the time. He is also a great reader and loves playing with his friends. He loves to tease his brothers, but there are times when his caring nature shines through.  When Jack is hurt or upset about something I have seen Ben make sure he takes care of him and makes sure Jack is having fun. He is a sweetheart.

We had a fun bowling birthday party with his friends on Saturday

And another fun party with family on Sunday!

Chloe is taking one for the team. She is such a good sport!

(notice how Ben is pushing Jack away so he won't blow out his candles)

Happy Birthday buddy! We sure love you!

September 19, 2011

My baby is 3! I heard someone say once that "the days are long but the years are short." That is exactly how I feel about my little Jack Jack. We have been through some very long days since he was born in September of 2008, but the years have been very short. And oh how I miss my little baby! I had the pure pleasure of enjoying every moment of Jack being a newborn. I sincerely miss those days. I think after having a very difficult first child and then still dealing with my difficult first child when my second was born, I never got to enjoy the newborn stage like I wanted to. I got to enjoy it with Jack and I loved every minute of it. We were truly blessed when Jack came to our family.


I think I have mentioned this before, but my pregnancy with Jack was completely different than my first two. I was never sick! Not one day did I feel the pregnancy sickness that I had with Sam and Ben. I remember I had a few "slightly nauseous" mornings, but once I ate the feeling was gone. I was so sick with Sam and Ben.....always nauseous......always puking......it was horrible! It lasted for 20 weeks! But to not be sick at all during my entire pregnancy?! My little girl was "totally" on the way! At least that's what I was trying to convince myself. But in reality I was being blessed. I was receiving one of those wonderful things we like to call "a tender mercy". 


I usually started getting sick between 6 and 8 weeks. Jonas was in the hospital at the University of Utah when I was exactly 8 weeks.  I don't know how I would have been able to stay with him at the hospital for those long hours if I would have been nauseous and puking all day. I wouldn't have been able to. I guess I needed something else to worry about so since I wasn't getting sick, I became extremely worried that I was going to have a miscarriage. (My sister had two miscarriages and with both she never got sick. We both start to worry at six weeks if we are not puking! I guess we aren't good at being grateful!) At this time no one but Joe knew I was pregnant, I was worried I would have a miscarriage, and my husband was really sick and in the hospital. Kind of a stressful time! I ended up telling my mom and dad that I was pregnant the week Joe was in the hospital. (We were planning on telling everyone at Ben's 3rd birthday party on March 14th....Jonas was released from the hospital on March 13th). I actually broke down and was crying to them about it. I was glad I told them though because it was very comforting to have them to talk to.


I knew in the back of my mind that the reason I wasn't getting sick was because I needed to be healthy enough to take care of Jonas in the upcoming months. But, I was still hoping I was getting my girl. I was pretty shocked (although I shouldn't have been) when the doctor told me "it's a boy" at the ultrasound. I said, "No. I don't think that's right." He took like 5 extra pictures just to prove to me that "yes, indeed I was having a boy!" Jonas was thrilled! I was getting over the fact that my "motherly instinct" had been wrong and I was not bringing a daughter into the family. But as time went on I became more and more excited about bringing another son into the family. The day our little Jackson Charles Webster was born was miraculous and wonderful. I was so in love with my baby boy! 

I would sing to him all the time this little song I made up about him being my "angel baby". On days when he is grumpy, (yes my perfect little newborn turned into a "normal" two and now three year old) I will start singing it to him and he will say, "I not angel!" The way he says it is really cute and funny.

Jonas was always such a proud and happy daddy! He thought each of our son's births were so special and miraculous. I always loved to watch him hold our newborn children. He did it with such tender care and love. He loved to hold them and especially take naps with them! I have lots of pictures with Jonas and each of our boys taking naps together. 

Jonas loved that the nurse stamped his arm with Jack's tiny little footprint. The white gauze band on Joe's upper arm is covering his picc line. He had only been home from the Mayo Hospital for five months and had the picc line until December.  

Jack has been a little "tender mercy" in our family since the day he was conceived. He brought so much joy into our family when things were stressful and tense with Joe's health. He has since become a wild and crazy 3 year old that has no fear and has become our "little monkey!" He never stops climbing on things and is always "busy" getting into things and creating......ummm destroying things.  But he still has a special little personality that gets his mommy through some hard days. I can honestly say that I could not have climbed out of bed on some days without Jack here. I needed him. He needed me. We are a good team. I will always love you my Jack Jack. You will always be my angel baby.

Joe's presence at Jack's birthday party was greatly missed. My boy's birthdays seem to be really hard days for me. I think I did better at Jack's then I did at Sam and Ben's. I guess even if I don't want it to time will start to heal me. I still miss Joe terribly and I am dreading the next several months of upcoming holidays. I guess I will just keep swimming.....treading......almost drowning....and then swimming again. Life is definitly moving on. I am just trying to keep my head above the water.

Happy Birthday Joe!

It only takes 4 generations of Webster men to start a fire! ;)

Yup, another hard day.

You don't realize how many "special" days there are during the year until the one person you want to be with on those "special" days is gone. Our boy's birthdays, our wedding anniversary, holidays (lots of them), Joe's birthday, my birthday, mother's day, father's day.....there are so many days to celebrate with the ones you love during the year!

We have had a tradition of going up to the canyon to celebrate Joe's birthday with our families. I think we have been doing it every year since we got married. There was one year that we missed and everyone was so disappointed that we didn't do it that we said we would never miss again. We all enjoy it so much. In the beginning years, (when I was really ambitious), we would cook a dutch oven dinner and cobbler. After a few years, I switched to just making dutch oven potatoes and cobbler. The last two or three years I have just been doing the peach cobbler and I have everyone bring up their own dinner. I guess I have become less ambitious over the years (or smarter?) but it is so much easier to just do the peach cobbler rather than the whole meal! Plus, everyone LOVES the peach cobbler so I think it works out okay.

I wanted to continue with our tradition this year, so last night we all met up at Mueller Park canyon for dinner and peach cobbler. The cousins always have so much fun together playing in the creek and getting filthy! I remember going to Muller Park canyon with my family when I was younger and it was always so much fun. I am so glad my kids get to go too. We always roast marshmallows and have a great time visiting with each other.

Sam is showing us his battle wound....umm...scratch...

Since Jonas wasn't going to be there (physically) to open his presents and for us to sing to him, I had everyone bring up balloons to send to Jonas. I got this idea from my friend who also lost her husband just over a year ago. (Thanks, Mandy! I tend to "borrow" lots of her ideas because she always has such good ones.)  My boys were so excited to send birthday balloons to their daddy. I think everyone was excited to do it. We wrote messages on the balloons and sent them to heaven.

Unfortunately, a rainstorm came through right before we released the balloons and the mylar ones I had brought wouldn't go up. They just kind of floated off to the side. So we gathered those ones back up and took them to the cemetery today. I was relieved when Sam and Ben said they would be fine with that. They got to send up a latex balloon instead so that made them happy. Jack never wanted to let his balloon go, but he did leave it at the cemetery today for his dad.

When it started raining Sam got sad that it ruined daddy's day and possibly smore making...

The rainstorm didn't last very long and we got back to making our peach cobbler and roasting marshmallows. I was so grateful the storm passed through quickly. Sam was so upset when it started to rain. He came and whispered to me through tears that daddy's day was ruined. I was so sad to see him this upset. But, it wasn't ruined. The rain stopped. We got to make our smores and send our balloons to heaven. As we were getting ready to go home, Joe's nephew Jayden (who just turned two) wanted to sing happy birthday. So we sang happy birthday to our Joe. Thanks for having us sing Jayden!

Who's two year old is holding a box of matches?!

When we were driving to the cemetery today Ben said, "I think dad caught all the balloons from his party."
Sam said, "me too!"
Jack said, "me too!"

Happy Birthday Joe. It was so different being up in the canyon without you. I miss you so much. My heart aches to see you again. You are always on my mind and forever in my heart. I love you!

Yellowstone 2011

I am having a real hard time making myself write about our experience at the Mayo Clinic & Hospital. I don't think I have ever dealt with the emotions I had during that time and it's really hard to go back and face them. I am trying though. I hope to get that post done soon.

We went camping in Yellowstone with my family at the end of July. The kids had a blast and I had my moments of enjoyment. It was really hard being there without Joe. The week before we left was exhausting! Preparing a packing list, locating camping gear, grocery shopping, packing, stressing about what I would forget, more grocery shopping, finding items to entertain the kids in the car.......it was all so overwhelming and I was exhausted the night before we left. The tiredness never really left me during the vacation and I started to get sick. By the drive home I had laryngitis, a bad cough, and a cold.

Our hike to the upper falls. How was it? Ben HATES walking. Can you envision how pleasant the hike was?!

Swimming in the lakes and rivers were always a highlight. 

Kyle, Kaleb, & Ben were checking out the elk across the river

I sit and wonder if I will always feel this worn out and drained after our family vacations. I want my kids to have fun memories in their childhood and I don't want them to miss out on things because they don't have a dad to take them camping, fishing, rock climbing, hiking.....all the things Joe loved. But I wonder if I can really do it? It's hard. It's exhausting. It's just not that fun. Which makes me very sad because I enjoy being in the outdoors and I think all those things I mentioned "used" to be fun. I want them to feel fun again....but it is SO hard doing it alone! (Yes, my family was so awesome to help me out the entire time but......you know......I just needed Joe there). Thinking about going on another camping trip sounds miserable and that REALLY REALLY makes me mad that I feel that way! 

Jack loves the bugs to crawl on him

Ben learned how to skip rocks. It made him so excited!

Sam was thoroughly entertained by burying and smashing ants at the lake

I don't want to sound like I was miserable the entire trip because there were plenty of times when I was having fun and enjoying the outdoors. It just wasn't the same. Nor will it ever be the same and that totally sucks. BUT......my kids had lots of fun and for that I am truly grateful. I sure love my boys. I COULD NOT get through this without them. They bring laughter and smiles to our home. They make their mom get out of bed every day and because of that they are my guardian angels.....along with a push and shove from Joe here and there.

Ben's always happy when he gets to help with the fire....

Smores were a HUGE favorite of everyones! I definitely had my fair share of smores. Seriously. I just love me some smores!

Jack is happiest when he is creating. Creating HUGE messes.

 Ben discovered this elk above our camp ground. He came running back to camp saying he had found a moose! The kids were all so excited (along with the adults) we all walked up to check out our moose. She was a cute little "moose" or ummm elk. Sam cracked me up when I told him to turn around so I could take his picture. He isn't smiling because he is so afraid to turn his back on this ferocious beast!

My boys love to fish. Well.....they love to fish when they catch a fish.....(that did not happen on this little evening trip). They were disappointed we didn't get to cook some fish on this trip. Sam and Ben could eat fish for dinner every night if I let them. They love it!

My boys are so lucky to have Dan, Kyle, Phillip, & my dad to help them with all those things that their mom is just not that good at. Thanks grandpa and uncles!! You guys are the best. We sure love you.