September 19, 2011

My baby is 3! I heard someone say once that "the days are long but the years are short." That is exactly how I feel about my little Jack Jack. We have been through some very long days since he was born in September of 2008, but the years have been very short. And oh how I miss my little baby! I had the pure pleasure of enjoying every moment of Jack being a newborn. I sincerely miss those days. I think after having a very difficult first child and then still dealing with my difficult first child when my second was born, I never got to enjoy the newborn stage like I wanted to. I got to enjoy it with Jack and I loved every minute of it. We were truly blessed when Jack came to our family.


I think I have mentioned this before, but my pregnancy with Jack was completely different than my first two. I was never sick! Not one day did I feel the pregnancy sickness that I had with Sam and Ben. I remember I had a few "slightly nauseous" mornings, but once I ate the feeling was gone. I was so sick with Sam and Ben.....always nauseous......always puking......it was horrible! It lasted for 20 weeks! But to not be sick at all during my entire pregnancy?! My little girl was "totally" on the way! At least that's what I was trying to convince myself. But in reality I was being blessed. I was receiving one of those wonderful things we like to call "a tender mercy". 


I usually started getting sick between 6 and 8 weeks. Jonas was in the hospital at the University of Utah when I was exactly 8 weeks.  I don't know how I would have been able to stay with him at the hospital for those long hours if I would have been nauseous and puking all day. I wouldn't have been able to. I guess I needed something else to worry about so since I wasn't getting sick, I became extremely worried that I was going to have a miscarriage. (My sister had two miscarriages and with both she never got sick. We both start to worry at six weeks if we are not puking! I guess we aren't good at being grateful!) At this time no one but Joe knew I was pregnant, I was worried I would have a miscarriage, and my husband was really sick and in the hospital. Kind of a stressful time! I ended up telling my mom and dad that I was pregnant the week Joe was in the hospital. (We were planning on telling everyone at Ben's 3rd birthday party on March 14th....Jonas was released from the hospital on March 13th). I actually broke down and was crying to them about it. I was glad I told them though because it was very comforting to have them to talk to.


I knew in the back of my mind that the reason I wasn't getting sick was because I needed to be healthy enough to take care of Jonas in the upcoming months. But, I was still hoping I was getting my girl. I was pretty shocked (although I shouldn't have been) when the doctor told me "it's a boy" at the ultrasound. I said, "No. I don't think that's right." He took like 5 extra pictures just to prove to me that "yes, indeed I was having a boy!" Jonas was thrilled! I was getting over the fact that my "motherly instinct" had been wrong and I was not bringing a daughter into the family. But as time went on I became more and more excited about bringing another son into the family. The day our little Jackson Charles Webster was born was miraculous and wonderful. I was so in love with my baby boy! 

I would sing to him all the time this little song I made up about him being my "angel baby". On days when he is grumpy, (yes my perfect little newborn turned into a "normal" two and now three year old) I will start singing it to him and he will say, "I not angel!" The way he says it is really cute and funny.

Jonas was always such a proud and happy daddy! He thought each of our son's births were so special and miraculous. I always loved to watch him hold our newborn children. He did it with such tender care and love. He loved to hold them and especially take naps with them! I have lots of pictures with Jonas and each of our boys taking naps together. 

Jonas loved that the nurse stamped his arm with Jack's tiny little footprint. The white gauze band on Joe's upper arm is covering his picc line. He had only been home from the Mayo Hospital for five months and had the picc line until December.  

Jack has been a little "tender mercy" in our family since the day he was conceived. He brought so much joy into our family when things were stressful and tense with Joe's health. He has since become a wild and crazy 3 year old that has no fear and has become our "little monkey!" He never stops climbing on things and is always "busy" getting into things and creating......ummm destroying things.  But he still has a special little personality that gets his mommy through some hard days. I can honestly say that I could not have climbed out of bed on some days without Jack here. I needed him. He needed me. We are a good team. I will always love you my Jack Jack. You will always be my angel baby.

Joe's presence at Jack's birthday party was greatly missed. My boy's birthdays seem to be really hard days for me. I think I did better at Jack's then I did at Sam and Ben's. I guess even if I don't want it to time will start to heal me. I still miss Joe terribly and I am dreading the next several months of upcoming holidays. I guess I will just keep swimming.....treading......almost drowning....and then swimming again. Life is definitly moving on. I am just trying to keep my head above the water.