Our growing list of firsts

It has been nine months of firsts. First birthdays, first anniversary, first summer, first Halloween, first report cards, first lost tooth....the list goes on and on.  We can now add our first Thanksgiving to our list. This is not an exciting list of "firsts" like it is with a child who is experiencing their first year of life, but a very sad and painful list of firsts. A list of firsts because it is the first time we are doing things without our "daddy". The first time "mom" is running things (even though I probably did that anyway), but now it's different. I HAVE to run things and I have no one to make decisions with or to even argue with. I. Am. In. Charge. 


It sounds like it would be nice. Always in charge. No other schedules to work around. No one to check in with. It's all about me and the boys. We do what we want and don't have to worry about anyone else. Except there is one big problem. All this so called "independence" really sucks.


I HAVE to be in charge. I HAVE to make all the decisions. (I am really really really horrible at making decisions!) I need another schedule to work around to keep me balanced. I WANT to check in with someone because it means I am missed and cared about. I WANT it to be more than me and the boys.  I WANT to worry about someone else. Life is a much happier place when you have a companion to worry about. It really is. It may not seem like it when you are arguing about finances or how much time you are spending with each side of the family. There are a million things you can argue about in a marriage, but in the grand scheme of life, those "things" to argue about just don't matter. 


If you have a companion to snuggle with, a hand to hold, a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with, someone to share opinions and thoughts with, someone to share child raising with......YOU, my friend, are a very lucky person. 


Joe. I need you back.

May 2009